Meet the Future of American Literature

Dear American Literature,

I hate to break it to you, but this is your future:


I am an extremely passionate and productive author, and while I am positively exploding with noble and fascinating ideas, I cannot manage to clothe them (or myself) in anything even remotely tasteful.  I am a somewhat relentless person, and so the best warning I can give the unfortunate society into which I was born is to brace thyself for an outright, unending assault upon all that is boring, all that is demure, all that recedes and ponders and pontificates. I am coming, America. I am soaring towards your hearts and minds like a laser guided glitter-bomb. If you strike me down, I shall only become more uncool than you can possibly imagine.

The New York Times Best Seller List better put on its cup; it’s gonna need it.


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