They’ve Given Us A Name

They’ve given us a name: Environmentalists, with a sneering emphasis on “mental”, as if to emphasize how crazy we are. Because if you can take an idea, and obscure it with a dismissive, cultish label for a group of faceless zealots, you rob the idea of it’s inherent beauty and obvious logic. Even better if you can decorate the national conversation with impressionist insults such as “tree hugger”.

Because look at that crazy girl and her craziness! Surely she can’t be a part of the national conversation, because she’s crazy and probably smokes the pot like some kind of illegal Mexican.

But the problem is, we aren’t Environmentalists. We are humans who like our beautiful, natural world and we think it is responsible and enjoyable to keep it clean and healthy, so we can enjoy it and so our kids and their kids and their kids’ kids can enjoy it, and so it will grow and evolve into something even more interesting and nice. We like clean air and pretty scenery and drinkable water.

WE ARE THE NORMAL PEOPLE. It is normal to like nice things. It is normal and healthy to keep things clean.

If you are not an Environmentalist, you are to the Earth what this homeowner is to a house:



So stop calling us Environmentalists like it’s some weird new religion. It’s actually just an obvious mix of logic and good taste. It’s the people who gave us that name that are actually ravenous garbage pig sugar vacuum smokestack junk lusters.

So there are no more Environmentalists. Just nice people whose brains are healthy and rational, and then a massive population of self-centered all consuming ravenous garbage pig sugar vacuum smokestack junk lusters who believe God gave us the Earth for our own unstoppable, reeking, polluting pleasure like it’s a planet-sized all you can eat buffet. If someone gives you a gift that keeps you alive and says it’s yours to take care of and enjoy, and then you make fun of people who try to take care of it while you poop on it, eat half of it, irradiate it, bake it in the oven, and marinate it in your own vomit, you are not a healthy person.

Yeah baby, I’m ranting today. It’s awesome.

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