Donald Trump has proven that saying ridiculous, nonsensical crap will get you tons of media coverage. So I’m going to try it myself!
1.) People with green eyes are creepy.
2.) Our currency should be backed by candy.
3.) All car doors will be required to open by swooping upwards like one of those sweet Lamborghinis.
4.) We should build a wall around Georgia and make Madagascar pay for it.
5.) By Law, The Ford Super Duty and Dodge RAM line of trucks will both be renamed “The Tiddlywink Elf Penis Fairymobile Super Pretty Princess Magic Carriage”.
6.) California and Arizona will be combined into one state and renamed Old Mexico.
7.) Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be illegal.
8.) John Mayer will have his name legally changed to “Teen Girl Popstar” and his band will be renamed from “The John Mayer Trio” to “Music I Didn’t Have the Guts To Play Early In My Career.”
9.) College football will be canceled forever.
10.) International Moonbase and ultra-hedonism resort, featuring an arena rock venue, a gigantic chrome statue of Mary Poppins and an orbiting neon sign that says “Magnus Von Black Was Here”.
Magnus Von Black For President